Fun and games at the Villa

Luckily the pointy bit of the US Open didn’t happen until much later in the evening, so it was eyes down and a full villa for the unmissable (!!) Love Island last night. Early doors we were told that a recoupling would take place at the end of the show, and that could only mean one thing – more fabulous puns from voice-over guy Iain Stirling. Oh – and Tommy Fury would have to make the most crucial decision of the season so far.

You recall the quandary our would-be world boxing champion found himself in. Molly-Mae, the ‘Social Media influencer’ (??), rather cool initially, suddenly and unsurprisingly found herself hugely attracted to Tommy when Maura, an Irish firecracker, made it abundantly clear that Fury was her dream.

By ‘making it clear’ I mean just that – no woo-ing (do they still have woo-ing?); no awkward blushes and tender hand-holding; no nervous laughter and longing. Just lots of ‘how about it’ etc, but a tad more graphic. Bless.

Before this momentous decision was reached there was much faffing around throwing food in wedding dresses (the girls), some crying (the girls), and Joe being thoroughly unreasonable expecting Lucie to, er, stop being Lucie. She likes the company of men (Tommy especially), and not so much the other girls. But Joe feels threatened, poor dear, and is handling it with all the sure-handedness of a nervous bomb disposal expert wearing a blindfold.

The simmering Lucie/Amy saga revealed itself tellingly as the Cornish surfer gave the Worthing air hostess a good battering through the medium of tomato ketchup and sundry other foodstuffs. Clever girl. Assault and canape. Grievous bodily almond. Score settled.

The couplings were as one would expect, though the Joe/Lucie axis looks shakier than England’s defence in the second-half. Any second-half, especially if we’ve just taken the lead. Anton chose new girl Elma, and the rest went with form. Now for Tommy. Would he venture into the exotic reaches, or should that be clutches, of Maura? Or would it be Molly-Mae, the recent convert to whatever charms Mr Fury apparently possesses?

The nation held its breath. ‘Molly,’ he uttered, in what some are calling (well, me) the biggest reality telly turn-up since Will Young beat Gareth Gates after extra time and penalties. Eee, Tommy lad. I’d ask for VAR if I thought it would do any good – they’d probably just confuse matters even more.

That left Maura and Anna high and dry. Feel sorry for Anna – it all seems to be passing her by. Oh well. Hope that sounded sincere.

At the death, however, an eleventh-hour reprieve for the shunned girls. They were to be dated by two new victims, er, boys, in the shape of Tom, and Jordan. There was just time for some VT of Maura offering to share a bed with one of them – what else have we come to expect – and tonight no doubt far more will be revealed. As it were.

Meanwhile, Amber continues to frighten me. If she said it was Wednesday, and Songs of Praise was on the telly, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid ….

If you’re betting on Love Island, Betfred